CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A new report from the Betoota 2050 plan has identified thousands of new terms to add to the official CWB (construction wanker bullshit) list.
CWB is a propaganda language that is characterized by understatement, circumlocution and the inversion of customary meanings. The term was coined by Betoota Mayor Councilor Keith Carton in 1989 after he was presented with a new plan to build the city’s first sprawling suburb full of asbestos-riddled poop holes with a single stroke of paint.
The plan never came to fruition. Well, not with that crowd anyway, the mayor’s cousin, Craig Carton, was finally able to put something on the table that the council was happy with. Almost identical to the first proposal, weird.
However, it looks like the property hogs are once again circling our lovely town. This time, with the vague new plan for a “mixed-use development” which has been identified as a CCB term for “30 luxury apartments and a juice bar on this block of land that once housed 80 elderly housing residents. who were promised a place to live once this private development was completed”.
After getting the local government to evict the generational residents of this misplaced economically diverse community in an area undergoing gentrification, it seems the developers have begun to use the potent weapon of CWB to allay any concerns about the cleanup. going on in our city.
The promised “social housing quotas” have gradually turned into “affordable housing options”, which is another way of saying “some of these luxury apartments are actually just studios, and therefore only worth 500,000 $ and not 3 million dollars – therefore affordable”.
The combination of these luxury apartments with swanky retail spaces on the lower levels to be occupied by ‘bespoke’ chains like Gusman y Gomez and Mecca led the CWB to coin the term ‘mixed-use development’.
Slang for superficially shiny and poorly built apartments and shops for cashed-in investors and yuppies, the mixed-use development also translates to “don’t ask about social housing obligations and goals in Betoota”.
“Don’t ask, there is a new block of 100 person units being built at the back of Betoota Ponds, people can live there if they have a problem buying some of our new flash apartments” , a construction wanker said today.
“People can’t seriously expect us to leave lodgings for bludgers in some of the best real estate in town,” he laughed.
If you would like to learn more about Betoota’s 2050 plan, please pick up a copy of our new book: The Australian dream: sell everything and move to Betoota.